A Life of Honour

My grandfather Late Sadananda Sarmah (who we lovingly called as ‘Kaka’) was a very sincere, smart, and kind man who grew up in a small town in upper Assam and built his life and career across various regions before settling down permanently in Guwahati. Kaka was an award-winning police officer (President's Medal,1980) from the Assam Police Service, and his gallantry was well-known in his circles. 

I am Kaka's first grandchild from his only daughter (Sewali Sarmah). Growing up, both Kaka and Aaita played a very important role in our lives. They occupied the front seat to witness all my early achievements and were very vocal about what they expected from me. Their expectations always fuelled my aspirations, and for that I'm forever indebted. Kaka used to visit our home at Silpukhuri quite frequently, and we spent so many beautiful moments together. I've been told that Kaka taught me to walk & run, but I'd like to believe that he also taught me how to lead a life of dignity, hard work, and kindness. Kaka was with me at all my important life events - first day of school, every big exam, awards, first job, first overseas business trip, my wedding, and to celebrate the birth of both my sons. 

 

Kaka was an avid reader, and his planning & organisation skills were second to none. My mother inherited those skills from him, and I inherited from her. Kaka was so sincere that he even planned some key aspects of the days "after" his death and has written down several notes for family members. He really was a rare gem.

I always wished that he could travel the world with me, but his health never permitted. We regularly communicated via video calls and he saw many places through my eyes (pictured above at The White House during my trip in 2022). 

Kaka loved politics, economics, history, and sports, and could talk about any topic under the sun. He was a quiet man, but his mind was full of ideas; he had so many dreams and aspirations even during his final years. 

I met Kaka in October this year when his health deteriorated drastically, and I knew that I might not see him again. He was very content during his final days, and I promised to myself that I would do anything to carry forward his legacy to my kids and theirs. He has truly lived a life of honour. We miss you, Kaka! 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger ~ lessons learnt from 2020..

 

2020 definitely deserves a blog post. What a year it has been! Extraordinarily long, exhausting, unpredictable, annoying, sometimes boring, and overall rubbish. I still dont know what sins we have all done to deserve a year like this? 😐

2020 was supposed to be a year of milestones for many. Remember that 2020 corporate strategy that you were working towards? Or that blockbuster product launch? Or that 2020 mass hiring plans? Well, most of such plans died as a slide deck. The world only saw more redundancies, revenue losses, and complete shift in business strategies to "survive", not thrive. Don't get me wrong, some businesses did well too, but those are few and far in between. 

Personally for me, it has been a roller coaster too. I absolutely HATE when my plans fail, even though I always have Plan B, C, D ready in the tray. But how can Plan A fail in the first place? Doesn't that mean that I am a bad planner? Well in 2020 none of that matters. I'm sure there are many like me who've had to go through the same emotions. So lesson #1 learnt is: "Your perfect plans can go haywire too, just accept it." 😉

What this year has really taught me is that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. There are divine streaks everywhere, and there is someone superior to you who is the "real" captain of the ship. 

Autumn 2019 when I got an admit to the Global Leadership Program at Harvard, I had signed up for the June 2020 session. June in Boston is lovely, and I was really excited to visit Boston after 10 long years. We were also thinking of making it a family trip as the weather would be nice. BUT, mid-December I had received an email from HBS inviting me to the February 2020 cohort as they felt the class profiles were much stronger and I would benefit greatly from the experience. Okay so Feb in Boston is cold, dreary, grey and all sorts of dull! But I decided to go for it. No family, just me, my books, and my dreams. It was an experience of a lifetime minus the sun. I remember meeting the CEOs of Novartis and Medtronic in the class and we discussed about this novel corona virus that might shake up the world. 

Come March, and the world had changed already. Covid-19 had become a part of our vocab. Even the kids knew about it. And guess what, that June 2020 session never happened. In fact, no further classroom sessions are planned for the forseeable future....

The holy Bhagavad Gita says "Whatever happens always happens for the good". So that's my lesson #2 learnt 😇

Early 2020, Maddy (my husband) & I were thinking of whether or not to expand our family this year. We were in two minds as we also had certain career aspirations to chase. And doing both the same year would be logistically impossible. Covid-19 made the decision easier for us (thank you!). 

The pandemic managed to shake up all companies and sectors in some capacity. But one sector emerged as a clear winner - not only because of the tremendous opportunties but also the HUGE impact that it has on people/society/humanity. I decided that my next gig would be in Healthcare!

Since leaving Babylon Health in 2016, I had almost lost touch with HealthTech, but the pandemic enabled me to get back to it and also gave the opportunity to be part of something bigger and tremendously impactful. In summer 2020, I joined myGP as their Chief Product Officer and became a member of the tiny elite club of female CPOs in the UK & globally. 

That brings me to lesson #3: "You can't choose your destiny, it chooses you!" 😊

My heart goes out to all those who have lost their loved ones due to the pandemic, and all those who are still recovering from this deadly virus. I hope and wish that when I read this blog after 12 months, Covid-19 would have become a thing of the past, and the world would have moved on.....

2020 has definitely made us stronger, more resilient, and more hopeful..

On that note, wish you all a Happy New Year 2021 !!

Onwards & Upwards ✌✌

Rest in Peace, Anumama!

I lost my beloved Anup Mama on the 2nd of February, 2020.

‘Anumama’ - as we used to fondly call him, was one of the kindest persons I have ever known. He had a big heart and he loved everyone unconditionally. I have never seen him bitter or unhappy about anything in life. When we were little, Mama used to visit us in Silpukhuri almost everyday. Quick visits just to see me and Dimpy and to buy us goodies. He spoilt us so much! Whenever he came we knew we will get new stuff. We would take a stroll in the neighbourhood and even the shops knew that they will be making a sale. This ritual continued throughout our childhood years.

Anumama was liked by all, he had very good people skills. Everyone knew him, and he knew everyone. I still remember going to North Guwahati to meet our Ranjula Mami for the first time. We were kids then. Everyone liked her instantly! I loved Mami’s hair and told Mama that he should definitely marry her, he was very happy with that comment and smiled coyly. We had so much fun at his wedding. I still remember every bit of it.

Anumama was very sad when he lost his mom (our Aita). He was very close to her and I think losing her left a permanent dent in his life. She used to take an active part in his business, and when she was gone he lost his greatest advisor. After her, his closest ally was my mom. Mom and Anumama were very good friends. They had so many funny stories from childhood that mom used to tell us. We would laugh and laugh. That friendship continued till the very end. If mom wanted something, Mama would attend to her in no time, no matter how busy he was. I don’t have a brother but it was really sweet to see such a beautiful relationship.

He cared for my Grandpa (Kaka) a lot. They were opposite personalities, and the dynamics were sometimes funny to watch. But they loved each other a lot. Kaka was always worried about him, and Mama was never able to understand why. I fondly remember all our family parties - Bihu, Durga Puja, Birthdays, Anniversaries etc etc.

Anumama loved to eat out. Every Bihu or Puja, he and my mom would be planning where to eat. We were a big family so it was a lot of fun. Our Aita was also the same, always game for a family party! Their celebratory nature was infectious. As kids, we loved it. Anumama also cooked very well. He would cook up a storm during our family parties, always smiling, always giving. He played a big role in both mine and Dimpy’s weddings. He helped mom a lot in all organisational activities. We will always be indebted to him for his immense help.

Anumama’s health started deteriorating around 2016-17. He lost lot of weight and became frail. But his spirit remained high. He spoke as if everything was perfect. When I saw him in 2017 I was very heart-broken, but I thought he would recover. He was still young and very positive. He was very excited to see my son Rey when we visited Guwahati in 2018. He was equally excited to see my niece Sara, and loved her a lot. I feel happy that we were able to show him the next generation. It’s a blessing!

Mama cooked for the last time during New Year’s Eve 2019. Mom says that he was so excited to cook for everyone, even though his health had given up. Such was his mental strength and deep love for his family.

They say that parents cannot see their children suffer for too long. As a parent I can attest to it. When I got the news about Mama’s death I cried and cried. It was early morning in London and my tears didn’t stop the whole day. I didn’t know what to do, whom to console. But I also felt that maybe our Aita took him away to free him from all the pain and suffering. And maybe they are together now talking about us, and reminiscing the good old days just like we do.

I will always miss you Anumama! You are a beautiful soul ~

The end of an era..

A few years ago I was reading Mario Puzo's The Godfather (Part 3). The scene 'Michael Corleone's death' made me cry profusely. I was weeping as if I knew that person. Michael's love for his family, his old man, his old town, the village - it all resonated with me. At that moment the only person I could think of was my Uncle. My father's beloved older brother who we fondly call as 'Doita'.

Doita (and we) have no similarities with the Corleone family, but his love for his parents, his siblings, his wife, kids, nieces, nephews, extended family made me think of only him when I read that touching scene from the famous novel.

The world knew Doita (Biraj Kumar Sarma) as a great statesman, social worker, patriot, revolutionary and a selfless leader. He had a stellar career as the co-founder of the AGP (Assam's greatest regional political party), one of the three signatories of the Assam Accord, and a two-time cabinet minister. Aside this, he was a serial social worker and philanthropist. He loved working for the common man. He was empathetic towards their problems and worked incessantly to bring a smile on their faces. He referred to them as his 'people' - and his people were everything for him. Undoubtedly (and very rightly so) he was known by all as the "People's Leader".

We lost Doita on Tuesday, 15th January 2019. He was only 70.

Everyone knew him as a popular political figure, but very few of us had the privilege of knowing him as a family man. To start with, Doita was a doting son. He lost his mother very early in life, but there was hardly a day that he wouldn't mention or remember her. His father (my grandfather) was also a great man and his political guide for many years. Politics was discussed in our house everyday, but that didn't stop him from focusing on his family life. My father was Doita's greatest fan. Both the brothers were strikingly similar in looks, but very different personalities. My dad was the introverted one. Doita would often tell us funny stories of their childhood days. For my father, 'Dulu' was a hero and role model. He always encouraged us to be a leader like him. He had godly respect for Doita, and pure, unconditional love.

Doita loved his brothers and sisters dearly, and all of us nieces and nephews. He was a talkative person, and his stories were endless and amusing. He had tremendous life experiences. It was always delightful to have a chat with him, very informative and engaging - like a living encyclopedia.

Doita was the life of a party. He loved family gatherings and celebrations, and enjoyed spending time with all of us. He was the 'glue' that kept the family together. My fondest memories from childhood are the ones during Christmas holidays. He would always bring a large Christmas cake and all of us kids would be eagerly waiting to dig in. During Durga Puja, he started the tradition of distributing Jalebis and Samosas on Dashami at our Silpukhuri ancestral home. I thoroughly miss those days...

He was a 'big' personality. There was a larger-than-life aura around him. The men in our family were forward thinking and much ahead of their times - very modern in outlook, liberal, and feminists. Doita was no different. We are a family of (mostly) girls. He was proud of the girl power and encouraged us to think big, work hard and focus on excellence in whatever we do. He was a religious, god-fearing man, and strongly believed in karma.

Doita was very excited about the next generation of kids in the family. He loved his grandson, and had the good fortune of meeting/playing with some of the other kids too (albeit for a short period). Recently when he met my little son Rey, he gave a big wide smile of approval. He was very happy; his eyes were beaming, as if he could see through the future.

Today as I write this memoir, my heart pains in deep grief and my tears roll down the cheeks. But I do feel content to think that Doita led a complete life. He got the opportunity to serve his people, and build a family that shall forever cherish his memories. I'll always remember the philosophies he stood by, and I promise to hand it down to the next generation.
He must be celebrated! It's been a glorious life...

Rest in Peace you beautiful soul!

Yet another milestone without You ~

It's been 8 years since Papa left us, yes 8 long years. I still cannot accept it, and I hardly ever speak about it to anyone except my husband, and sometimes my mom. But in these 8 years there has never been a single day that Papa has not been on my mind, never! I'm too arrogant to accept his departure; its like my silent fight with destiny, I won't accept it, not until perhaps I reach the final years of my own life.

Today I chose to write about it as I'm really happy, truly happy after many years - my little baby sister is getting married (Woohooo!!). Oh how happy Papa would have been. His world was all about us - mom, sis & I. We were a happy family. Papa was an intelligent man; he was an Engineer, he was also a writer, poet, singer, musician, and an artist. Too much talent in one person, very rare. He was a man of few words, and the kindest person I have ever known. Papa gave us a good life, there was nothing we didn't have. Papa never wanted to grow old, he never wanted to retire.....and he never did. I don't think he left with any regrets, he was always content with life.

Papa was quite different from a traditional Indian father - his dream was not just to get us married to wealthy families and happy ever afters, he wanted us to win in life, to have our own identity, to be successful. His expectations from me were the highest; being the elder child that's not uncommon. He wanted me to achieve more than him, do things that he had not done, take risks, see the world, reach the zenith of success.

I still remember our last telephonic conversation - I was at my desk at Wipro. Papa enquired what I was upto and I said 'work'. He replied: "That's good but what next? Have you been preparing for your entrance exams for Masters? You need to score well. You need to top."

I will never forget that last conversation. I wish I had recorded his voice.

I was all of 24 when Papa passed away. I was shocked. Such things only happened in movies but it was happening to me, it was happening to us. I grew up by 20 years on that very day. My perspective about life changed a lot. I became more ambitious than I ever was, and my sole purpose of life became making his dreams come true. It was difficult for me, I had lost my beloved grandfather just few years before that; and now I had lost my father too. My 24 year old self was too fragile to handle it....but I came out victorious.

Papa's departure made me the person I am today - strong, ambitious, fearless. "You need to top" became the main goal of my life. The day I lost Papa I had various thoughts in my mind:
~Papa would not see my wedding..
~Papa would not see my children..
~Papa would not see my sister's wedding...
.....and most importantly, Papa would not see my success

I still remember my sister crying profusely when Papa passed away, I felt helpless for the first time in my life, as if it was the only Maths problem I couldn't solve. As an overbearing elder sis I make sure I resolve every problem my sister faces, but that day I stood still, I felt defeated. I remember my mom looking helplessly at me, she's a very strong woman, but that day she was not. Losing the man you love is an unbearable tragedy. Papa's love for mom was like that of a school boy - it was innocent, pure, and unconditional. His world was all about her, it started and ended with her.

It's an irreplaceable loss, the loss of a parent. All these years I have not been able to come in terms with it. But every time I struggle or feel weak or lose hope the only thing that gives me strength is our final conversation. "What next?"...."You need to top"...

These words linger in my mind and always will. Life is all about the next step, the next challenge, the next big thing. It doesn't stop for anyone, does it?

My silent battle with destiny will continue, I will not accept Papa's departure. I know he's watching me and the family. I can sense he's happy and will be with all of us at my sister's wedding.

Death is never a separator; it's merely an incident.

The song has ended, but the melody lingers on....We will miss you Sumi didi!

Someone truly said that life cannot be measured by the number of years we live but only by how we live. Bubbly, energetic, positive, and kind - these words personify our Sumitra Didi.
Yesterday, she left us all to live with the gods.

I have known didi for the last 7 years, she was my husband's favourite cousin sister. Since day 1 we clicked very well and I found a friend in her. Didi was the epitome of fun and laughter, the soul of any party and the darling of the family. Her life revolved around her two beautiful daughters and an extremely caring husband. Madhavan was very close to her and considered her a 'buddy' than an elder sister. Sumi didi's charm was contagious, and her energy could surprise anyone. She was a very stylish woman and adored the colour 'green'.

Good people do not live long, I had heard this somewhere, and realise it today. After battling with failing health for several months didi left us forever. Today when I look back I can only remember her beautiful personality, her beaming smile, and her positive spirit.

We will miss you Sumi didi, you left too soon, but your memories will live forever........

"You can shed tears that she is gone, 
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she's gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on."

Change is inevitable, progress is optional!

It is one of those 'rare' weekends in my life where I'm not busy, no plans to go out, horrible rains outside, and I'm feeling too lazy to even make any last-minute plans. So what should I do??? I generally find myself reading stuff (NERD ALERT!!) on the internet when not busy, but today I want to reflect a bit, and perhaps write a few lines...

It's been a long time since I've blogged. My mom, hubby, and some of my friends have enquired why. Maybe because I've been too busy last few years to think, reflect and write down my thoughts. I maintained a diary all my life until my early twenties, and my writing was quite regular. The diary was thrown away (in a river, not kidding!!) some years ago. No specific reasons, I had grown up, fallen in love, and life was quite perfect. There were no rants to write about. I found my soul mate and best friend in my life-partner, and he became my diary. :)

As I was reflecting on my life I realised that it has CHANGED a lot in the last 3.5 years. Whenever one talks about change, people get wary of its consequences. Change is not a very positive word for some. It is human nature to hate change, we like a routine in life, and if the routine breaks we get insecure and negative thoughts creep in. As a Business Change professional I face people's aversion towards change on a daily basis (Yes, I'll need a shrink soon!!). It's a difficult task to convince people that change is, in fact, always for the better. :)

Throughout my life so far I've been a goal-oriented person. It is in my personality to plan everything in life and store a blueprint of my plans in my head (NERD ALERT!! :P). I had a 'before-25' bucket list, I also have a 'before-30' bucket list ;). It might sound silly to some, but my plans keep me on track, they keep me excited about my life, else life is nothing but just a biological process of breathing in and out. And yeah, possible life changes (read: Contingencies) are captured in my plans too (NERD ALERT!! :P). 

Marriage was the first big change in my life. I got married to the love of my life at the tender age of 25. So yes, it was a positive change for me. People generally say that marriage changes a woman's life completely. I do not agree. It's all in our hands how much we can let any change impact us, and to what degree. For me, marriage did not change my lifestyle at all. As an ambitious woman, I never wanted my dreams, aspirations and independence to be compromised, and my wonderful husband made sure that my life remains perfect, the way I had built it over the years. Marriage made my life better than ever. :)

Migrating to the UK and pursuing my advanced degree in Manchester was one of my biggest turning points in life. When I look back, I can remember that the first time I ever thought of studying abroad was when I was just 7-8 years old. The inspiration came from my paternal grandfather. He was a very strong personality, highly modern in his thoughts and a very learned individual. He was with the Indian Police Service and was also a renowned writer. In many ways my personality resembles him - strong, ambitious and positive. It was he who instilled the concept of 'high thinking' in me. I can still remember all his teachings and his optimistic approach towards life. All through my education in Manchester Business School I remembered him, and regretted the fact that he was not there to see his grand-daughter achieve what she promised as a 7 year old. 

Manchester Business School (MBS) changed my life in many ways - a new country, new city, new people and a completely different field of study. It was a very exciting phase of my life and Lady Luck was on my side too. I had won the British Council scholarship for the academic session of 2011-12 (http://ibnlive.in.com/news/eight-indian-students--awarded-scholarships/180328-60-120.html) and this helped me a lot in managing my finances. Also, the much loved attention from press and media boosted my profile tremendously. The one year Masters programme tested my capabilities in many ways and also transformed my personality (http://www.mbs.ac.uk/masters/is-mbs-right-for-you/student-graduate-profiles.aspx). Some of my most beautiful memories are with MBS Horizon. As part of the leadership team of this postgrad society, I have some fond memories of all the socials and activities that we organised and the sweet taste of success with each of them. But along with excitement, a career break of one year also comes with some levels of frustrations and insecurities. Not earning for a year can be testing for someone who is used to spending carelessly (read: Shopaholic!!). Also, getting back to the job market after a year's break is difficult when the economy is not doing its best. But once again, my careful planning skills worked out (NERD ALERT!!) and I managed to jump back into the job market after my Masters in no time. :) :)

Since then there has been no looking back. Moving to London from Manchester was the next big change in my life. My husband and I moved to this vibrant city for professional reasons and built our little love nest in the north :). Our move to London was yet another positive change, this lovely city has given us a lot, we became 'local' very quickly and adopted the 'London ways' in no time (SNOB ALERT??!!??). 

Now when I look back at all the changes that took place in my life in the last few years, and ponder upon the consequences of each of those milestones I can only see the positives. It almost seems like whenever any change is about to take place in one's life, all the positive forces conspire to consummate the change, and make sure that it's for the better. So how can we say that changes are no good? Change is, in fact, an inevitable part of our lives. We can either embrace it with open arms or let it overpower us by being hostile; the choice is entirely ours!!!